Friday, November 11, 2011
11/11/11 11:11pm
It's a special day I hear cause it's 11/11/11. It is two of my favorite number combinations- 111. I've moved back tosalt lake. Continuing- on my quest still wondering what home is. This place is just more comfortable here. Home I believe I hold on me as I travel. The band is excellent- we jammed at the woodshed last Wednesday. Gnarles on the drum like a fuxkin metronome- Bonnie stepped up to the plate- we did it and will jam again next Wednesday. Liven on couches every night- welfare- it uncomfortable only when it comes to getting in my full rest- think one day I'll stay at dads all day and sleep. Thanks dad. Screen printing is a hit. I got the machine taught myself to use it and made a profit of $100 the first week! And when I was feeling down about not recognized as being special the universe emmailed me and told me how important I was. It seems many things are open to me- I see beautiful open doors all over the place. The work I do- I don't feel that anyone, or most people try as hard as I do to both be a leader good person and to follow my dreams at the same time. Its a hard load and I just keep seeing this triangle in the blue afternoon sky, revolving sometimes looks like Zeus- or any other bearded man one would dub a god. It's about 15 degrees from the horizon. Ts comin around to finally wear the pants of a good boyfriend- it's a nice place to be- been a little long in my waiting...black sabbath is getting back together I found out today. Beautiful. The metal community will be united it's- first salt lake--- L.A. - Asheville, it's beautiful. My one focus and goal- must ride this pony till I reach the sun- and it is a real distance- a real destination. I have an urge lately to take or have or whatever but taking a youngster under my wing tO help- u know- nOt raise but smoothen- redefine. Tonys laying lap and I have all sorts of challenges in screen printing that I would like to meet. Band looks real good- it's the final one. Me and karley can tell- this is the band. This is the thing that will live. I miss Asheville. I miss my own bed. I miss a place to call my own. I'm looking forward to LA. Things are good, I feel they will happen- this dream just might become actualized.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
How man ought to live
From the questions arisen in Ishmael, one of the fundamental erroneous thoughts/beliefs of our "mother culture" is that man doesn't know how he ought to live.
Which, to me, is a fairly simple problem I feel I've understood. To me, ideal living is simple. Here is a regular day in which I preferably live- how I ought to live. Wake up, enjoy fresh fruits/grains from a communal farm for breakfast. Exercise. All around me is earth, in its full density and beauty. Yes, we have found a place for us to live here amongst earth, true, but it doesn't require us to destroy the earth around us. It is simply living with and enjoying it. We realize we are inhabitants of this area, and so we live accordingly. Much like tribal society, but are free to enjoy the pleasure of internet, modern sports, technology, and even cars. To so much of an extent, that we enjoy much of the modern marvels of today, but do so with the respect and awe towards earth that "pre-civilization" tribes have done, and continue to do so today. Living with the earth is the easiest way to put this. This thing is, is its really obvious for all to see that living with the earth is soo possible and eminent and necessary that the fact that we have held onto preconceived notions that we must maintain this destructive "normalcy" of culture that our Westernized culture has done so for hundreds of years now, is simply preposterous. We have all the "green" technology in front of our hands, and many people have even switched to using it all. But the fact of the matter is that the higher ups in our government and culture ruling heirarchy maintain that we stick to using gas, and styrofoam, and other wasteful unnecessary products simply for their monetary gain.
Money, money, money, money. Its so silly- even the thought of it. A completely Western thought and premise, that one needs money to live, and the more money one has, the better and more powerful that person is. I mean come on, in "pre-civilized" times, even that period of time when Americans were hunter-gatherers in the west and whatnot, trading, or bardering, was a standard way of life. For it comes down to the fact that we really don't need that much, and especially we don't need more than that. Our primal needs must be met, a constant supply of food, and a shelter and a bed to lay our heads down. Then above that social and emotional interactions are a very healthy way to live and proser. Perhaps those at the top have forgotten the age old need of true human interaction. The fact is, you need people. Everyone needs people. If just to put them in their place people need people. A rich life- to me- would consist of friends, family, lovers - or just a lover-, laughs, good times, celebration, music, prayer, gatherings. Its really simply and I have understood the importance of people that I love and people that love me to surround me.
This day, any day, that I would wake up, would consist of me having my own space and time, but then with agendas to meet with others. As with is a steady, and duty, to human life, I expect to work today. Everyone must work, but when you enjoy and love what you are doing, it hardly seems like work. My work, is social justice, and providing music- these two things often and always interconnect. It is my work to maintain peace and happiness to my tribe. Something that should not be taken as a long to be reached goal, but an everyday occurrence, and rather, a steady way of life. My work consists of planning events that would coincide with the changing of the seasons and planets and stars. For why else are we here but to be in our galaxy and on our earth. And there are so many reasons to play and enjoy, and the changing of the seasons exist here on this is simple plane. My music is a gateway for people to release their feelings, demons, emotions, so there is none to pent up. My music is a release for the happy feelings that should be coming out of everyone at all times because we were born. The simple fact that we are born, enables us with the right to enjoy our life. Knowing full well the opportunity to have been given life on this planet, grants us the responsibility to care for the earth, something that is both beautiful and fulfilling for everyone involved. As work is enabled, and as the entire tribe raises the children, we find a lack of abuse, molest, drug abuse, and boredom in this community. And all communities are built on this premise. Trading and creativity thrive in these communities. Each person is watched and cared for throughout their lifetimes. When we start to see the young child drawing everywhere, it is understood that that child will have her/his place in the community as an artist. When another child loves building things, the work for that child is to be a builder. It is a community where everyone does their part, but everyone loves their part.
Again this community is a happy one, a trait that is not sought out, but a realistic expectation of the day.
In the winter time, we are huddled together, sharing stories, keeping each other warm. Working on problems, teamworking, planning for the spring and summer time where we travel and share. In the spring time we are planting our seeds for the coming months, always building always repairing always being grateful and giving to the earth. In the summer time we are celebrating, dancing, drinking, smoking, being open and flamboyant. In the fall we are harvesting, sharing, and always team working. It s a simple way of life that humans have gotten here and there for as long as we have existed on this planet. Its not extreme on either way, its in the middle, and problems will arise, as they do, but we are not afraid of them, we take them on with excitement and creativity. Enabling every single person in the community to act and be as they are supposed to be. Each will feel they are an essential part of the community, because they are. No one will be left behind, and no one will feel useless. I swear to you, over population will cease because every birth and every death will be a huge deal. At funerals women will cry and beat their chest, men will mourn and look to the future on how to better supply their families. Betrayal will not exist in these communities because all is understood. Understanding, I swear to you, is the key to this harmonious life. And this life isn't a fairy tale. As I grow older this vision becomes clearer and clearer to me. This is how I will live. And I will not accept anything less. Even if it starts just with a few- understanding is the key to harmony. Lies and deciet will not exist because everyone is open, for HUMANS- there is no reason for these negative qualities, don't you see they are just byproducts of abuse you've endured in your lifetime? This community is here to heal and move past these things, why do we keep sticking to these negative qualities?- they able immediate comfort and protection from the things you fear, but long-term the more you feed the fire the more the fire burns you.
This is how man ought to live. This is how I WILL LIVE. Every day is a step closer. Everyday is another chance to put into the world your love and your peace. I believe this is obtainable.
Which, to me, is a fairly simple problem I feel I've understood. To me, ideal living is simple. Here is a regular day in which I preferably live- how I ought to live. Wake up, enjoy fresh fruits/grains from a communal farm for breakfast. Exercise. All around me is earth, in its full density and beauty. Yes, we have found a place for us to live here amongst earth, true, but it doesn't require us to destroy the earth around us. It is simply living with and enjoying it. We realize we are inhabitants of this area, and so we live accordingly. Much like tribal society, but are free to enjoy the pleasure of internet, modern sports, technology, and even cars. To so much of an extent, that we enjoy much of the modern marvels of today, but do so with the respect and awe towards earth that "pre-civilization" tribes have done, and continue to do so today. Living with the earth is the easiest way to put this. This thing is, is its really obvious for all to see that living with the earth is soo possible and eminent and necessary that the fact that we have held onto preconceived notions that we must maintain this destructive "normalcy" of culture that our Westernized culture has done so for hundreds of years now, is simply preposterous. We have all the "green" technology in front of our hands, and many people have even switched to using it all. But the fact of the matter is that the higher ups in our government and culture ruling heirarchy maintain that we stick to using gas, and styrofoam, and other wasteful unnecessary products simply for their monetary gain.
Money, money, money, money. Its so silly- even the thought of it. A completely Western thought and premise, that one needs money to live, and the more money one has, the better and more powerful that person is. I mean come on, in "pre-civilized" times, even that period of time when Americans were hunter-gatherers in the west and whatnot, trading, or bardering, was a standard way of life. For it comes down to the fact that we really don't need that much, and especially we don't need more than that. Our primal needs must be met, a constant supply of food, and a shelter and a bed to lay our heads down. Then above that social and emotional interactions are a very healthy way to live and proser. Perhaps those at the top have forgotten the age old need of true human interaction. The fact is, you need people. Everyone needs people. If just to put them in their place people need people. A rich life- to me- would consist of friends, family, lovers - or just a lover-, laughs, good times, celebration, music, prayer, gatherings. Its really simply and I have understood the importance of people that I love and people that love me to surround me.
This day, any day, that I would wake up, would consist of me having my own space and time, but then with agendas to meet with others. As with is a steady, and duty, to human life, I expect to work today. Everyone must work, but when you enjoy and love what you are doing, it hardly seems like work. My work, is social justice, and providing music- these two things often and always interconnect. It is my work to maintain peace and happiness to my tribe. Something that should not be taken as a long to be reached goal, but an everyday occurrence, and rather, a steady way of life. My work consists of planning events that would coincide with the changing of the seasons and planets and stars. For why else are we here but to be in our galaxy and on our earth. And there are so many reasons to play and enjoy, and the changing of the seasons exist here on this is simple plane. My music is a gateway for people to release their feelings, demons, emotions, so there is none to pent up. My music is a release for the happy feelings that should be coming out of everyone at all times because we were born. The simple fact that we are born, enables us with the right to enjoy our life. Knowing full well the opportunity to have been given life on this planet, grants us the responsibility to care for the earth, something that is both beautiful and fulfilling for everyone involved. As work is enabled, and as the entire tribe raises the children, we find a lack of abuse, molest, drug abuse, and boredom in this community. And all communities are built on this premise. Trading and creativity thrive in these communities. Each person is watched and cared for throughout their lifetimes. When we start to see the young child drawing everywhere, it is understood that that child will have her/his place in the community as an artist. When another child loves building things, the work for that child is to be a builder. It is a community where everyone does their part, but everyone loves their part.
Again this community is a happy one, a trait that is not sought out, but a realistic expectation of the day.
In the winter time, we are huddled together, sharing stories, keeping each other warm. Working on problems, teamworking, planning for the spring and summer time where we travel and share. In the spring time we are planting our seeds for the coming months, always building always repairing always being grateful and giving to the earth. In the summer time we are celebrating, dancing, drinking, smoking, being open and flamboyant. In the fall we are harvesting, sharing, and always team working. It s a simple way of life that humans have gotten here and there for as long as we have existed on this planet. Its not extreme on either way, its in the middle, and problems will arise, as they do, but we are not afraid of them, we take them on with excitement and creativity. Enabling every single person in the community to act and be as they are supposed to be. Each will feel they are an essential part of the community, because they are. No one will be left behind, and no one will feel useless. I swear to you, over population will cease because every birth and every death will be a huge deal. At funerals women will cry and beat their chest, men will mourn and look to the future on how to better supply their families. Betrayal will not exist in these communities because all is understood. Understanding, I swear to you, is the key to this harmonious life. And this life isn't a fairy tale. As I grow older this vision becomes clearer and clearer to me. This is how I will live. And I will not accept anything less. Even if it starts just with a few- understanding is the key to harmony. Lies and deciet will not exist because everyone is open, for HUMANS- there is no reason for these negative qualities, don't you see they are just byproducts of abuse you've endured in your lifetime? This community is here to heal and move past these things, why do we keep sticking to these negative qualities?- they able immediate comfort and protection from the things you fear, but long-term the more you feed the fire the more the fire burns you.
This is how man ought to live. This is how I WILL LIVE. Every day is a step closer. Everyday is another chance to put into the world your love and your peace. I believe this is obtainable.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Settled in...
I've organize my life into 5 parts. Family Work Music Romance Health. and music is perfect. Bonnie is amazing I mean soul sister here. she's a pure as jerica, but punk as trevor, kind as silk, but tough as nails. she's got a great spirit but more than that she's a great bassist. and wants the same thing i do. with her, and with wifey- my drummer- who's name is Kristin!!!!!- who is a magic lady. ---Okay get this, Wifey is in college for healing, chakra etc. HOLY SHIT!!! and she's a rad drummer and she loves all sorts of music and is sooo rad and her name is Kristin and she also plays the guitar and bass--- and it is good.
So that is solid, gotta find a job, romance is cool, get to see my family soon!!!! and what else did i say? oh yea health that's the big guy
it so amazing
all this healing i do from the inside of me out. somehow i have kept track of what has been damaged in me. doing so only by tracking how my ideal version of me is, and how a part of me is lacking. well all this space and nice wide open air, and the bouncing off of each other tony and i do, my spirit is starting to shine like a pink sapphire. you know a real jewel. and its only in my eyes. none other shall ever have to need to agree. i don't care because its up to my standards-thank you parentals:) i mean i thought this last part of healing -which is acting in my boundaries from others and towards others, while being creative- had to be aligned with health, but alas i haven't started that healing yet- but it is still healing. which is good because my condition of spirit. and i say spirit because that is mind and soul together. when i can achieve this in my spirit for heart and mind to be of accord- needs to come as alone as possible. like as separate from everything but with each other as possible.. rambling sorry>>>:)
its good, its good. and this space enables me to really really choose who and what i want to be and what i am doing with my time. tomorrow i will set my alarm to get up with the sunset. WHY NOT!? that is the best way to induce the base chakra- is by changing your routine. doing something you would not usually do. or not doing something you usually would do.
I love you.
I am so grateful. My band is allowing me to solo!!!! and sing!!! they are both powerful tools that will lead me to success and they are getting exercised and encouraged! The storm the other night was way rad! way scary! tornado warning! crazy blue lightening to the west and LITERALLY thunder that SHOOK THE HOUSE!
Our house in the middle of our street:)
Built in 1890s!
Me, Bonnie, and Taylor, one of the band practices!
I really miss my family though, especially mom, dad, and kristin. ESPECIALLY THEM. they are so special to me, i mean they are the ones that not only have been there my whole life, but who we have formed these meaningful deep relationships. individual. and they are so support based. there is so much support and unconditional love between all of us, its something universal we understand together. All the friends I have made over the last year, they are acquaintances- not friends. and this time coming back to to utah its time for them to see the extent to which i live by my boundaries. I have a few friends and they know who they are. So excited to see my Marie:) My beautiful cousins! and that's really all i have time for. i know i will see "all others too" and i'm just not about wasting my time or energy anymore, which is so good we moved out here, because with that high energy moments everyone loosens up and SUCKS, and they want to talk to you and neither of you say ANYTHING worth keeping, its just to momentarily fit in to something that neither of you even care about. BARF! I care about my family, my true few friends, Tony, animals, rock and roll, you know the gauntlet. But they are simple, and they are few, and they are the true treasures in my life.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Sitting in a coffee shop on a rainy Asheville afternoon. Reminisent of seattle . I'm not gombe lie the hipster stench is strong out herebut it's nothing worse than salt lakes. Tony was upset by the large volume of what he calls hippys as we drove up to 30miles out of town to look for a cabin to fulfill the south feeling. Watching distance from the smokey mountians, the southern feel is just at a hand distance away. Fortunately we have managed to land a pad in a large housebuily in the 1890s. It's dankness lies in it's possibilities.it needs a good clean up and lots of tLc . But with Tonys painting ability, and the laid back type of management our landlord Tommy deals with we might just be able to put together something sexy. I even envisioned us really sprucing up the place all the way-much like the completely renovated same era type house the bed n breakfast is next door. As far as raising the dragon, there are so many problems that w must face with my own inner workings in order to fully face this dragon. To point out where he needs to grow or show to him that which no longer serves him.
I like this though, it reminds me of my growth point in Seattle which is what I was really craving in this move. Our place is within walking distance of the downtown strip. Cd stores coffee shops sushi food and get this-! Even a shop solely dedicated to the sale and preservation of tea, which is extra special because as I was leaving salt lake and that beauitful oasis cafe I bundled up on teas afraid I wasn't going to be avaliable to any out here in the "south".but as I have come to find out this place is muchore progressive then iever even imagines. I don't think it is a matter of jinxing it by saying this out loud because it is simply a notice- but I feel the universe has really connected these things for my little soul out here.the effortless wave we have manages to find ourselves on has done nothing but lead us to exactly where we need to go at all times.ensuring is with all that we need at any given moment or need. I mean can you believe it the loft we scored over the top of the surf rocker from California let us stay on till we found a place. All the way to the email my mom sent me about the house we eventually found ourselves in with better rates then we could previously affort. And here I am in this coffee shop with 7 dollars left to mine and Tonys name and a full gas tank to take us to Charlotte tomorrow for some wwork with one of my most magical friends and lifetime mentor, Jeannie. Another current/constant we are expierencing now. Super magical I feel I am on the care of the universe and my surrender is imminent.
Oh and pa not to fuckin mentioning met my future friend and bassist, Bonnie, at the fuxkin has station Randomly! Yesterday. I have good good feelings about this decision- for I feel this is my point to release my opus FINALLY smiles smilessmilea smiles love u mom
I like this though, it reminds me of my growth point in Seattle which is what I was really craving in this move. Our place is within walking distance of the downtown strip. Cd stores coffee shops sushi food and get this-! Even a shop solely dedicated to the sale and preservation of tea, which is extra special because as I was leaving salt lake and that beauitful oasis cafe I bundled up on teas afraid I wasn't going to be avaliable to any out here in the "south".but as I have come to find out this place is muchore progressive then iever even imagines. I don't think it is a matter of jinxing it by saying this out loud because it is simply a notice- but I feel the universe has really connected these things for my little soul out here.the effortless wave we have manages to find ourselves on has done nothing but lead us to exactly where we need to go at all times.ensuring is with all that we need at any given moment or need. I mean can you believe it the loft we scored over the top of the surf rocker from California let us stay on till we found a place. All the way to the email my mom sent me about the house we eventually found ourselves in with better rates then we could previously affort. And here I am in this coffee shop with 7 dollars left to mine and Tonys name and a full gas tank to take us to Charlotte tomorrow for some wwork with one of my most magical friends and lifetime mentor, Jeannie. Another current/constant we are expierencing now. Super magical I feel I am on the care of the universe and my surrender is imminent.
Oh and pa not to fuckin mentioning met my future friend and bassist, Bonnie, at the fuxkin has station Randomly! Yesterday. I have good good feelings about this decision- for I feel this is my point to release my opus FINALLY smiles smilessmilea smiles love u mom
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